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I Wish Your Grandma Was Just Drunk!

February 8th, 2008 · No Comments

Forgive me for not being serious for a few moments, but I need to laugh this one off. On my way to work this morning I was almost in a huge wreck. While I was traveling about 50 mph, a huge Lincoln that was coming towards me started driving in my lane! I screamed, swerved onto the shoulder, and stared at them in horror. Since most of my life deals with drunk driving issues, I naturally assumed that the driver of the Lincoln was a 5th time DUI repeat offender. But as I narrowly dodged the culprit and barely managed to not flip into the ditch, I realized that my new “drinking and driving” friend was an 80 year old lady!

old lady on a bike

Yes, I was yelling some obscenities at her when it happened. Now I wish I hadn’t. The poor old lady was hunched over her steering wheel. Her blue hair was pinned up and beaming with pride. She had to have gotten up at 3:00 AM (instead of her usual 4:00 AM) to get all dressed up for the trip. To think that I had the nerve to scream at her when all she was trying to do was pull into the gas station for her monthly tank of gas (not really a whole tank actually). I should be ashamed of myself, and I am.

I am used to dealing with bad drivers. I am around the DUI laws in one way or another for most of my day. You would think that I would have been prepared for this poor lady’s attempt at murdering me. You would think that I would have been more understanding of someone that was not functioning as a rational driver. I deal with folks all day that have behaved like complete morons, so I should have welcomed this moronic behavior.

But I didn’t. Why, you ask? Because I know for a fact that 90% of the drunk drivers on the road right now drive better than this poor old lady. Under the DWI laws we ask if a person’s driving ability has been impaired by alcohol or narcotics. We ask if the driver’s ability to drive as a rational person would have under the circumstances has been impaired. Why are we not asking the same questions about older drivers? Why are we not asking if their ability to behave as a rational and reasonable driver has been impaired by old age? Why not? It may not sound pretty, but I swear on a Bible that I would rather drive on a road full of drunks than on one full of older drivers.

I wish this old lady had just been drunk!

Tags: Random DUI News

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